Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I Found the Solution

Are you concerned about the angry speech on the cable and the airwaves? There may be a solution. You big-government fans may really like this one. The constitution guarantees free speech, forbidding the congress from passing any law that restricts speech, I think I found a loophole! Nothing in the Bill of Rights keeps the government from regulating emotion! Think of it—speech is not the problem, according to the widespread complaints—no, it is the emotional component of the speech that is causing concern.
So why not regulate anger? If you are not angry, you won’t engage in angry speech, nor will you be tempted to damage delicate psyches by using parody, sarcasm, sardonic humor or that most uncivilized of all behavior--criticism. Here’s how it would work—if you think you have reason to be angry about something, then you have to apply for a permit. A panel of court judges will decide whether you have a legitimate cause to be angry.
If they find that you grievance does not qualify as something to be angry about, then your permit will be denied. If you express anger to the judges for their decision, they will take your shoestrings and belt and send you to a special place where nice people will help you to cope with life without being angry. After all, the government is here to help.
If we can implement this program throughout the land, we can restore civility to our discourse. Just think of it, from now on, all the news anchors speaking in sparkling tones with smiles akin to those on the performers on the Lawrence Welk Show. Wouldn’t that be nice?
God Bless you all,
Bob Roushar

No comments:

Post a Comment